Spotting and Repelling Adult Predators

Nice people may not be interested in the defiled world of predators, but predators are interested in their children.  Adult predators, sexual or otherwise, aim to separate children from their parents and/or from other adults who might stop them.  Most kids are not separated at gunpoint or knifepoint; rather they are lured away by those who earn trust in dishonest ways.

Here’s how they earn our trust.  (Gavin DeBecker broadly calls these “Survival Signals.”)

Forced Teaming:  A predator uses the word we when we isn’t true or accurate.  It establishes premature trust and makes a kid feel obligated to stay around this adult.  He says things like, “We’re sure in a mess, aren’t we?”  Teach your child to say to a stranger, or to someone they know but do not trust, “I didn’t ask for your help, and I don’t want it.  Leave me alone.”  This isn’t wrong.  It’s wise.

Charm and Niceness:  In order to deceive, you have to remain at least one step ahead of someone.  Charm and niceness can hide intent and give a head start.  People who take control of others almost always pretend to be nice in the beginning.  Teach your children that “nice” is not the same as good.  This is especially important for girls, who are generally expected to be warm and friendly toward adults.

Too Many Details:  Con artists often use too many details to tell the story because they know that since it’s not true, the story must be sold.  After a while, details can wear down a person’s defenses, as dishonest salespeople know well.  Teach your child to consider context by asking herself, Why is this person talking to me in the first place, and why is he telling me so many things?